I'm down to the final stretch - the end of treatment is in sight. I have just started six weeks of radiation - every day, Monday to Friday.

30 sessions in total.

Four down, 26 to go!! My last "zap" will be December 22nd, three days before Christmas and then I'm done everything, chemo, surgery, radiation. That will be the best present I have ever had.

I will tell you what radiation is like in my next blog, first I feel I should do a "progress report," I haven't given an update in a while. I've needed time to think, to digest and process. It has taken me some time to put everything in perspective and I'm still not quite there yet. I've learned there is always good news and bad news when kicking cancer. Let me start with the good. My pathology results showed my margins were clear - that means I don't need more surgery. The cancer is gone!! Yes I'm relieved and ecstatic about that.

But here's the news I've been grappling with. Two of my lymph nodes were affected. The pathology results show the chemo did not entirely kill the cancer in them. It essentially means if an unknown affected lymph node escaped before surgery it can attach itself somewhere in my body. My oncologist tells me the odds of the cancer coming back are 30 to 40 percent. I don't know why but I was surprised to hear that even though it is essentially what my doctor told me when I was first diagnosed. I guess I just thought that I could and would improve those odds through sheer strength of will. These treatments would be so much easier, so much more bearable, if there was a guarantee that the cancer wouldn't come back, that I would never have to do this again. Of course there is no guarantee - that is everyone's dark lurking fear once they have fought cancer, will it come back?

So there it is. It was hard to hear, but now that I've had some time to absorb this and to harness my fear this is my attitude: I'm flipping the numbers around to the positive - the odds of the cancer NOT coming back are 60 to 70 percent. It sounds so much better that way don't you think? And I mean it, I'm not just saying it. I am going to be on the winning side of this - the odds are in my favour. My oncologist told me his best advice is to live my life. He's right. What is the point of going through these last months of treatment if I'm not going to enjoy the gift of living? I'm strong. I feel good. I have hope.

Here is the quote on at easel in the main hall at Princess Margaret Hospital today: "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed if it is not faced." James Baldwin.

I love it. I'll fill you in on radiation soon - it's another new interesting experience!!

Cynthia