I now have 14 radiation treatments under my belt. 16 more to go!!  I am getting so close to putting cancer behind me, it is almost within my grasp.  I can't wait until I am no longer the woman battling cancer but the woman who has kicked its butt and has put it firmly behind her.    

So what is radiation like you ask?  Well it's quite interesting really.  It kind of feels like you are in a high tech movie.  You lie on a bed under a large machine, it has "tentacles" that move in position around you, pinpointing the exact spot to zap.  It doesn't take long, just a few minutes, I close my eyes and hear a clicking sound while the machine does its work.  I don't feel anything, in fact I have become quite successful at escaping my body and transporting my mind elsewhere.  I daydream about my girls and how we are going to celebrate when this is all done.  

I go every morning, Monday to Friday.  I am trying to look at it as a little errand I have to run on my way to work.  For the most part that is working for me but I will admit to some blue days here and there.  I suppose that is human.  I am so close.  So. Damn. Close.  The hardest part for me right now is wondering if I will burn.  I have seen a couple of women with terribly red and burnt skin as they near the end of their treatments, it is one of the possible side effects (along with fatigue) that can hit people.   It looks so sore. I know that it goes away and it is trivial compared to chemo and surgery but it bothers me.  I have realized it is because it is one more thing that I have no control over.  So far I am getting a bit redder after each "zap," it stings a bit in the evening but it's not too bad.  Some women I know have been very lucky and only had a light tan after all their treatments - I'm told it is the luck of the draw.  

I have heard so many people say that when they have cancer they just want their lives back - I truly understand that now.  I want my life back.  I want to stop thinking about my next battle, how to rise to the next round of treatments.  16 more to go.  This time tomorrow it will be 15.  My countdown has begun.  I'm so close…..

Cynthia