Review: Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Stupid title aside, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant had me for the first 30 minutes. I went in with no knowledge of the book series it's based on or really what it was about at all and I didn't know what to expect. I was enjoying it too, as most of the audience seemed to be doing, then it hit a wall and started to spiral out-of-control until it was over and I felt like I had had the life sucked out of me by a vampire.

When teenagers Steve (Josh Hutcherson) and Darren (Chris Massoglia) attend a travelling freak show in their town one night they meet Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) - a real-life vampire. Steve is intrigued and wants to become a vampire; Darren, on the other-hand, wants Crepsley's pet spider and steals it. The next day at school the spider gets out, bites Steve and puts him in a coma. While Steve is in the hospital Darren returns to Crepsley to ask for the antidote to save him. Crepsley will only give it to Darren if he agrees to become half vampire and be his assistant. With the deal set, Crepsley turns Darren into a vampire and saves Steve.

While all this is going on there is a mysterious man named Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris) lurking around because he wants Darren to become a vampaneze instead of a vampire (the difference being vampaneze kill humans where a normal vampire just sedates its victims and takes a little blood without harming them). Crepsley takes Darren to the camp where the freaks live to hide him. Of course Mr. Tiny finds them, decides to turn Steve into a vampaneze, and sends him to battle Darren (thus starting a war).

There is some good in the film. I liked the freak show scene and the freaks themselves were well done (especially the Wolfman and Patrick Fugit's Evra the Snake Boy character). Reilly was good as the toned-down vampire Crepsley and Cerveris is definitely on my radar thanks to his Mr. Tiny performance. The beginning of the film was reminiscent of 80s classics The Monster Squad or The Goonies and the opening credit sequence was straight out of a Tim Burton film. That's about all the good things I can muster up.

What's bad is really bad. For starters the editing is the worst I've seen in a long time. It's downright horrible! One minute you have someone about to do something then it cuts to a different scene and takes you out of the film. The younger actors needed better direction to help ground them and it's inexcusable director Paul Weitz, who was behind films like American Pie, About A Boy, and In Good Company, was so sloppy. Salma Hayak, Willem Dafoe, Orlando Jones and Ken Watanabe were also wasted in small parts and it felt that the producers didn't know if they were making a film for kids or adults.

I can't imagine I will ever want to watch this again and I can't see fans of the books enjoying the mess they've made out them. Unfortunately there are 12 titles in the series and I'm sure they will drag it out into more films. Hopefully they will get it right next time around.

** out of 5 stars

Rated PG-13
Cast: John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia
Directed by: Paul Weitz
Official Site IMDb

brian.mckechnie@citynews.rogers.com

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