Ask each of the four Carson brothers where they spent the best times of their lives, and they’ll say at the 1938 family lake house on the glistening shores of Lake Huron in Ontario.

That’s where Jim, Rob, Matthew and Jason spent long, lazy summer days swimming and looking for fat, juicy worms so they could bait their heirloom fishing rods in preparation for hours of fun catching bass, whitefish and rainbow trout.

On the drive up every Canada Day weekend in the wood-paneled station wagon, the whole family would stop in town to buy groceries at the small local market before finally arriving at the cottage, ready for endless weeks of summer fun.

But these days the Carson brothers (we’ve changed their names to protect privacy) don’t talk to each other anymore—and the cottage that was once their dream has turned into a living nightmare. When the boys’ parents, Hugh and Kathleen, passed away four years ago, they did what they thought was the right thing.

That is, they left the cottage to all four boys to share as they saw fit, believing the boys would work out an arrangement that would please everyone. “I think they thought they were doing us a favour,” says Jason, 47, the youngest. “But I also think they didn’t want to be seen playing favourites, and they just avoided the whole topic of inheritance while they were still alive.”

At first, the Carson brothers tried their best to share cottage expenses and allocate the summer weeks at the cottage fairly. Jim, 56 and the eldest, would bill each of the brothers $3,000 a year for expenses, property taxes and maintenance. But that didn’t work for long.

Jim, who lived a short 45-minute drive from the cottage, used it as much as he could every summer, but Rob and Matthew lived near Ottawa and drove to the cottage only a couple of weekends a year. Jason, who lives in Calgary with his second wife and two daughters, hasn’t come out to Ontario to use the cottage once since his parents died. So last year, after talking it over with his wife, he outright refused to pay his share of expenses for the cottage and asked his brothers to buy him out.

It all went downhill from there. The two brothers in Ottawa couldn’t afford to buy out Jason, and Jim told Jason point blank that he wouldn’t. Jim reasoned that he wasn’t stopping Jason from using the cottage, so why should the fact that Jason happened to live so far away cost him money? “That made me really mad and I just snapped,” says Jason. “I’m not going to allow him to treat me and my family that way.”

The result? A nasty court battle that promises to go on for years. By neglecting to draw up a proper succession plan, their parents have ruined the close relationship the boys shared growing up. “I know my parents tried to do the right thing but they probably should have just sold the cottage before they died and told us that was what they were going to do,” says Jason. “We wouldn’t have liked it in the beginning but we would have all eventually accepted it. Now there’s no turning back.”

The Carsons’ story is as sad as it is common. Most lawyers could write a book about the family feuds they’ve witnessed because of poorly thought out succession plans (and several have). Often, the parents are trying to be fair, but don’t consider how their plans will work on a practical level. Other times, the parents focus on tax issues, and what works best for their own finances, without really considering the kids’ needs at all. In some cases, parents ignore the issue altogether, because they just don’t want to
deal with it.

Whatever the reason, rather than leaving their kids a property that enriches their lives, parents can inadvertently leave an emotional minefield that causes years of strife. “When the parents are gone, all the unresolved emotional issues from childhood come into play,” says Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist based in Hawaii and co-author of Mind over Money. “Lawyers try to tackle the issues by using a logical approach. But it’s 90% emotional. The siblings will resort to primitive ways of dealing with the unpleasantness and either fight, freeze or run away, then nothing gets resolved for years.”

If you’re a parent who wants to avoid causing such a family rift—or you’re a son or daughter who fears that such a fight could be heading your way, read on. By following the tips below, you can ensure that your family never becomes embroiled in a nasty feud.

• Talk it through
• Don’t settle scores with a will
• Include a note to the kids
• Taxes come second (see Top 5 tax myths about leaving property)
• Pay taxes with life insurance
• Sell the cottage when you stop using it
• Cash can be the best gift of all