Renee Smith Valade is in high demand. She works weekends -- even jetting off halfway across the world. She's vice-president of communications at Vancouver 2010 -- and sometimes she misses out on special moments with her son Max.

Renee Smith-Valade is a working parent. She says, "he's a little more used to it, but I'm not sure if he gets older that it gets any easier."

And -- that's where the guilt comes in. But -- Smith-Valade says finding a balance is key -- and making sure Max tells her when she needs to be at a special recital or sports event.

"I think he understands that if he lets me know, I'll always try and be there. I can't be there for everything, but I'll be there for the important ones."

But -- sometimes kids don't always let you know about the important occasions -- or they're too young to tell you. Then the guilt sets in -- and it's a symptom that something is wrong. A Vancouver psychotherapist says if you're a working parent --  the first thing to do is to figure out if it's healthy or unhealthy guilt.

Heather Bach is a pshychologist who comments, "if it's unhealthy guilt -- then it's your system telling you that something's out of balance and something's wrong. And if you find that, then it would be important to list out your priorities and your values."

Heather Bach says by taking a closer look at those values -- you may be able to zero-in on the imbalance in your and your child's life.

"Lots of times -- guilt is driven by expectations that are way out of the reality in which we live"

First thing -- Bach says make quality time happen -- even setting up a weekend "date" with your child. Build rituals into the week -- and connect with them through their area of interest. Be prepared... things change over time -- because another imbalance can pop up. And most importantly -- make time to listen to your child.

"It is critical for them to feel that somebody is there because they look to us to know they're okay."

Thursday May 18, 2006