Just a few months ago -- four-year old Caleb had his mom all to himself. But that changed when baby Hudson arrived.

Mother Pamela Smith says, "he does have his moments where he wants my attention now, but usually I can say I'll be with you in a few moments."

While Pamela Smith says Caleb is pretty patient and proud to be a big brother -- he wishes for the time when the baby wasn't around.

Smith, "he just wants the two of us to be together. And, why don't we just leave Hudson at home today. And it's like, we can't really leave the baby at home by himself."

Karen Hoffman comments, "there's always a little bit of jealousy. Not a lot, but something."

Parenting consultant Karen Hoffman says for most older siblings -- the new member of the family presents a "security crisis."

"Really reassure the child with lots of kisses and hugs, that they're very very important - and that mommy and daddy's love is stretchy, I love taht word, I can love you and I can love the new baby."

Here are some other tips to keep in mind:

• Look for teachable moments -- and get kids involved in whatever way you can.
• Before baby arrives -- have older children buy a welcome gift that they can give their new brother or sister at the hospital
• Have them help with the selection of supplies.
• Set out clear rules about how to treat the new baby -- but also take time to listen to them about their feelings.
• As much as you want this time to be perfect - try to paint a realistic picture for your older child.

Hoffman, "you know when baby comes, the baby is going to be a lot of fun -- but it's also going to be a lot of work. Babies wet themselves a lot and mommy's going to have to clean up."

Also explain that life will get hectic. For Pamela, she realized the first three weeks were devoted to the baby. So, she decided on a "date day" for just Caleb and herself. She wanted him to feel more secure. 

For more of Karen Hoffman's tips, you can e-mail her at www.touchofparenting@canada.com

Thursday June 1, 2006